dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I didn't notice because vodka
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
