I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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