butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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