Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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