i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
