You just made me feel so damn special
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
