so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
