dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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