Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
