Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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