oh god the rape fog is back!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
