Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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