I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A bitchslap is in order.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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