Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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