You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
