david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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