Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
