yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
