Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
