My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
