Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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