Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
