he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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