so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am available for nakedness
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
