last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize