Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
