I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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