I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
