He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
