I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
