We won't sleep together?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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