Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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