what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
