his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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