Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
