why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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