Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
