I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my liver is dry heaving
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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