it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
