Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
