He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
