I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
