I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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