Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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