We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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