This show inspires me to have sex in space
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
