I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
how drunk are you?
Several
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
