I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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