It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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