I puked a lego.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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