OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
