i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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