Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
