you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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