Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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