I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
