Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
