We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
