Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
