Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
