I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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