..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
