do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
false alarm, still single
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