And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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