i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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