Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
