my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
